Articles & Readings

Ask Fluffy

Written on March 2, 2008
Last revised on March 3, 2008.


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This article was originally hosted on Wonderland, written by Kagome Hinata. The website is no longer available, hence I took the liberty to retrieve it from Wayback Machine, a site that archives the internet. Here are some selected ones.

 

Ask Fluffy, also known as Sesshoumaru, advice! He may very well have the solution to every problem…heh..

(Disclaimer: The following advice is not to be taken seriously. Ask Fluffy is meant for amusement and insulting mortals, of course.)

Dear Fluffy,
The prom is coming up, and I�m not sure what to wear, could you give me any suggestions?

Dear ignorant mortal,
You dare address me, the magnificent Sesshoumaru, as “Fluffy”! I care not about this mortal gathering of yours, but If you must ask me, you cannot go wrong with a white feather boa. Now do not write me again, or answer to my talons.

Dear Fluffy,
My little sister is so irritating! She�s always taking my things, what should I do?

Dear incompetent mortal,
How did you fools acquire my address? You have a younger sibling, eh?� Perhaps if it was a younger brother I might have told you to reclaim what is rightfully yours and then proceed to beat him to death with it slowly, but that is not the case. Not to say that I, Sesshoumaru, hold any affection for little girls…

Dear Fluffy,
There’s this person that is always tagging along with me, but he’s really annoying. How can I ask this person to get away from me nicely?

Dear pathetic mortal,
I cannot understand why humans insist on kindness. Use this person to your personal advantage, I say. Why should you have to do diminutive tasks, when someone else is there to wait at your every command? Besides, you can always kill the person if he becomes a nuisance.

Dear Fluffy, Why is Jaken a frog? :D
-From, Kaoru Suu

Dear inferior mortal,
If he was anything other than a repulsive toad, he would make I, the beautiful Sesshoumaru look less superior!! >0!

Dear Fluffy, Why don’t you have ears like Inu-Yasha?
-From, Malch :D

Dear foolish mortal,
I already have a tail that has won me this annoying nickname, I consider myself lucky that I do not have those embarrassing ears of my brother’s. >\ Why he has them, you ask? It’s obviously a side-effect of having a mortal mother! All you humans look ridiculous! v_v;.

O Superior Master,
Speaking from a completely relative standpoint, do you believe that the frailty of the human psyche is in direct correlation to their strong emotional attachments which produce seemingly coherent and structured foundations of truth, honesty and wisdom with respect to their immediate peers and biological kin, which may appear solid and impervious to outside stimuli on the surface, but in fact are merely outward manifestations of an inferior mental capacity and lacking physical prowess, or do you believe that these in fact act in opposition, sending mortal man into an existential quandary of fear, self-loathing and doubt while simultaneously creating an ever-present void of emotional contact, creating a two dimensional mask support and understanding no more consistent with reality than the “science” we, as mere mortals, have taken upon ourselves to invent to explain such actions?
And, um…what’s your favorite colour?
Daniel, your willing slave

Dear Mortal,
Organisms retaining cognizant scruples are forever collectively assembling anemic pretexts for their derisory corporeal dynamism, as a corollary of their substandard, inexorable sentiments.
�-_-�red.

Dear Fluffy-chan!
Recently Rin-chan met Kohaku-chan. Although it wasn’t for very long and under less than desirable circumstances, they seemed to have gotten along alright(before Naraku turned Kohaku psycho). So if they were older and Kohaku-chan asked Rin-chan on a date would you let her go with him?(this is assuming he’s gotten over his controlled-by-Naraku-and-could-turn-into-a-psycho-any-minute symptom)
Love, Lain

Dear mortal
Date? O_o�go�with him?! Bah� Rin, no doubt, will have increased in intelligence by the time she chooses a mate. After being near the great Sesshoumaru, it is assured that some of my intellect will rub off onto the child. She will not make the poor decision of going with such an unworthy boy�that Koh-what�s-his-meaningless-name. >\.

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